I'm still haunted by your face
by gardenoftacos
Summary: She gives him a sweet smile. Her eyelashes flutter against her cheek as sighs and closes her eyes. "I had always felt something for you, but I think that day made me realise how much I actually loved you."


"Why'd you let me go, Peter?" The girl asks the boy-king, both of them bathed in the glow of the camp fire. She is seated on the ground before him, her pure white nightgown spread out, a stark contrast to the rich brown of the soil. He is seated on a boulder, hunched over with his arms braced on his thighs. He looks at the set of pipes in his hands, and slowly brings it to his lips, blowing sweet, musical notes that float heavy in the air.

It is useless though, for though he hears the music, it has no effect on him whatsoever.

He can't make himself forget.

He gives up, lowers the pipes, and looks at the girl again.

The girl's dainty fingers move, twisting and turning the stems of flowers until crown after crown is made, all piled in her lap, the older ones wilting.

Sometimes she stops, and delicately pulls the petals off a flowers, one by one. She murmurs and he hears her whisper "He loves me, he loves me not." over and over again. When she tires, she returns to her crowns.

_He loves me, he loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not._

"Remember when you taught me how to ask for the flowers from Neverland? We had so much fun that day, making crowns. You even allowed me to put one on you." she says. The latest circle done, her fingers raise it and she crowns him, smoothing the hair back and allowing the ring to settle on his head. She moves her head to the side and looks him over,

He does not move, does not acknowledge her action in any way. She sighs and lets her fingers trail his forehead, moving to his cheek and jaw, before cupping the side of his face fully and forcing him to look at her.

He feels like he can tell her everything. He has always felt this way around her. That's why she was the only one he never lies to, not if he can help it.

Except he has lied to her. Once, but it was one too many and it has destroyed any chance he might have had to be with her.

He moves his head, removing it from her grasp, and stands up. He offers her his hand, and she takes it, gracefully rising to stand like the queen she is.

The only queen Neverland will ever have.

Silently, they move through the forest hand in hand. It is familiar, a routine he is used to.

The walk is quiet, her hand is warm in his, and she trails her fingers over the cuff on his forearm. He lets her, knowing that she has always been particularly interested in them.

He notices her staring at his face, and when he turns to look at her, she gives him one of her smiles, the one that's bright enough to light up his world. He cannot find it in himself to deny her a smile of his own.

She has always been able to get him to do things he would never do for anyone else.

They stop by the lagoon, one of her favourite places on the island, though she would only go there with him. He watches as she sits primly on the edge of a rock, and lets her feet dip into the cool waters below. She kicks her feet slowly, creating soft ripples.

He doesn't move forward to sit with her, not like he usually would. He knows the mermaids won't attempt to grab her, not this time. He watches as she hunches over to peer at her reflection, both of her hands flat on the rock to keep her steady. His eyes roam over her golden curls, the sweet curve of her neck, and the lines of her back seen through her nightgown.

Peter wonders what he did to be punished this way, to have found the most exquisite of birds, even more so than the Never Bird, only to be forced to let her go.

She turns her head around to face him, her chin resting on her shoulder.

"Remember the first time you brought me here, Peter? I almost drowned, but you saved me just in time. You have always been there for me, watching over me, protecting me." She gives him a sweet smile. Her eyelashes flutter against her cheek as sighs and closes her eyes. "I had always felt something for you, but I think that day made me realise how much I actually loved you."

His heart gives a violent twist, one so hard he is sure it will give out right then and there. She shouldn't be saying such things, not now, not like this.

She opens her eyes and focuses her gaze on him, her hand patting the empty space beside her. He wants nothing more than to go and join her, sit beside her, put his head on her lap and just forget the world. He has done it many times before, enjoyed it as she played with his hair and traced his features.

He wants so bad to do it again, but he will not allow himself.

She sighs when she sees the resolve in his eyes. She stands, her wet feet leaving dark footprints on the boulders that border the lagoon, and goes to him. He watches her, taking in all of her, and holds out his hand. Again, she takes it and they resume their stroll.

"Remember when I first arrived here? Tootles shot me out of the sky and I woke up in your arms. After that, I never wanted to be anywhere else." she whispers, her hand grips his even tighter.

He believed her, though he knew it was not the entire truth. She might have wanted to be with him at the time, but eventually she had wanted to go home more.

Eventually, she had wanted to leave him.

They walk the familiar path to the treehouse, branches and vines moving out of their way. When they arrive, he gives her a hand up the ladder before following. She pulls herself up, then goes to the window, pushing aside the lace curtains he had made for her to look out at what remained of the stars.

He goes to her bed, and sinks into the soft covers with a sigh. Each breath he takes hurts, the air is tainted by her scent. He sits with his back on the headboard, watching the girl from where she stands.

"Remember when I gave you my hidden kiss? You were so shocked it took forever for you to kiss me back. But then you did…" She sighs and moves to stand at the side of the bed, looking down at him. "It was magical, wasn't it?"

It was. The skies of Neverland had blazed bright with colours for the rest of that day, something he had not seen in a long time.

It was enough to make him hope that they would be full of colours forever. But it was not meant to be.

"Do you love me, Peter?" she asks softly, her fingers reaching forward and softly caressing his cheek.

"Yes." It is the only time that he has ever admitted it out loud, but it does not matter. Not now, anyway. It is too late.

"I would have stayed, you know. With you. Forever." She says softly, her eyes searching his.

He reaches out to tug a curl playfully, like he has done many times before. She would usually bat his hands away, or reach over to tug at his hair in retaliation. Now, she smiles indulgently.

"No, you wouldn't have." Because he knows her. He knows what she wants, he knows her dreams and the wishes of her heart. He knows she loves him with every speck of life in her.

But he also knows he wasn't enough.

And maybe she would have stayed, maybe she would have agreed to be with him for eternity, but she wouldn't have been happy. She wanted a husband, a family, and all he had to give her was an island and a rotting heart.

No, he had to send her away. He had to lie. The only lie he had ever told her, he said so to send her away.

_"I don't want you."_

He let her go.

Still, it has been months and he misses her. The boys know it, Neverland knows it, even his own shadow knows it.

Which explains the girl in front of him, all pretty, feminine and innocent. Exactly the same.

And yet, not real.

"That's enough." He says, his voice rougher than he had intended it to be. It was too much for one night.

The girl tilts her head to the side, staring at him through wide eyes. "You want me to go?"

No, he wants her to stay with him forever. But he wants the real Wendy, not this pale imitation.

He nods. The girl waits for a few seconds, in case he changes his mind, before beginning her transformation.

Slowly, she shimmers, white turns to black, black turns opaque, and feminine curves turn to male lines.

His shadow stands before him. It hovers for a moment before flying off, back in the direction of Dark Hollow.

And Peter Pan is left alone once again.

It is only hours later, when he finally gets off her former bed, that he realises he is still wearing the crown of flowers on his head.


End file.
